when plans prove ridiculous

more california.. can you hang?? i know it's a lot. 
this is my only scrapbook.. so if they don't get in here they disappear into the dismal abyss. 
my goal is to be done with cali by thanksgiving... i have 3 posts left. so--- by my calculations that is three posts in 36 hours. stop laughing. i could post every day. maybe twice in one day. seriously...stop laughing. ;)


the next day was our beach day.
we started off in in the little town of trinidad.
this whole section of coastal towns would be a super cute honeymoon. nate and i pretended we were on our honeymoon. getting coffee, holding hands, hiking the 845 steps down to the beach...

our imaginary honeymoon ended when grayson realized exactly 79 steps down that he had lost his fruit snacks along the way and at that moment the whole world came to a screeching halt at the decibel level of his tantrum..  we abandoned the dream to the realization that dragging three kids down hundreds of feet was probably going to end with us having to carry them back up.

so we just enjoyed the view topside and called it good.

we trusted a recommendation from a local grocery clerk and took an off road that was supposed to lead us to a great look out point. she neglected to mention that it was a one lane, half paved half dirt road for about 2 miles of cliff hanging excitement.

and this would be the view directly out my window... pretty sure this was not recommended in our RV contract. 

but the lookout delivered. you started with these little steps that then arched over big rocks and onto narrow paths with no hand rails and sharp cliff sheared drop-offs. is it normal that i am constantly imagining how i will have to save grayson's life? 
seriously-- i have a 3 step scenario at all times-- step one: shimmy down the cliff, step two: use my shirt as a tourniquet, etc.. tell me, is this normal? maybe you should meet grayson before answering that. :)

so i've decided who cares about the braces. i mean i am not going to stop being in pictures of my own life for 8 months.. and my closed mouth smile makes me look smug and possibly constipated. so i am flashing the metal mouth look with no shame. what is embarrassing is realizing that after contorting myself in the dirt to set my self timer for that family pic i got dirt on my face that looked like beard stubble for half a day. that's unfortunate.

our next stop was 'shell beach'... i had read it was only one of a handful of beaches left in california that you could still do a beach fire on. the rain had delayed us the day before so we were running behind on my 'the plan is to not have a plan but i actually, of course have a plan' plan. 


so i had thought we would get there to have a campfire at night and do dinner and smores over the fire. fail. 
it was lunchtime. we did it anyway. 


i was fighting crabbiness the whole time we were out there. 
grayson kept throwing sand. 
luci kept eating sand. 
the fire was having a ridiculous time getting started. 
people were getting hungry. 
we had pack muled all our stuff out onto this beach, walking past some shifty characters in a tent that i had a feeling had broken into and were ransacking our RV as we spoke, 
and it felt silly trying to start a fire in the middle of the day to roast marshmallows. 
i was all sorts of growl-ey. 
sometimes i thank God my children don't notice/care about my attitude. later they said this was one of their favorite places of the trip. they just kept throwing sand and eating sand and digging holes and chasing seagulls. 
i have so much to learn about living in the moment and letting go of dumb stuff. 
i am pretty sure my babes are here just for that purpose.  

luci with her sand scruff and daddy with his matching relax-a-stache. that is the facial hair he grows on every vacation and then shaves off the minute we get home.

after lunch i said we could go down to the water to check it out... this beach was wide and the water's edge was a good jog away from where we had been playing in the dunes.

but when we got there.. it was like stepping into another world. the way the light played on the water and the sky.. the way the colors rang so true.. the fog rolled in behind you so that you could only be right where you were. i have often marveled at the wisdom that created an ocean that hushes you with its waves. that deafening whisper that makes petty things sound petty... and silly grumps feel silly. grayson still threw sand and i was still running the edge of my patience reserve... but God spoke to my heart down at that shore. 

the whispers to let it go were all around me. 

i rely on my plans, my ideas, my rules... 

and in the midst of those sometimes i miss what is right in front of me.

there is peace knowing i am part of a bigger plan than i could ever write.

there is joy in realizing that as big as that plan is.. it is also perfectly small and intimate and cozied up right next to me if i would only stop and take the time to see it.

there is love for a God that shows himself right on time, right where i am, right when i need him.

there is irony in the fact that if my plan had worked out we would have been at that beach at night.. in the dark.. and missed this moment entirely.

sometimes it feels like it will take a lifetime to really understand how to see... thankfully i have exactly one lifetime to work on it. :)