a labor story for labor day.

birth stories are hard to write when all you want to do is cuddle a little peanut who smells like everything delicious in this world and coos little sighs that echo the breath of heaven.
these things turn my brain into foggy hormonal mush which, apparently, loses it's desire to form coherent sentences.

 i feel like i am in a constant tension of wanting to stop, remember and write life down versus living in abandonment to the moment and doing nothing but smelling babies heads and frolicking with small people through meadows.
or maybe sleeping. 

the challenge of balance has never been my strong suit.
but birth stories need to be written before perspective has her way with them.. so i will try to focus. :)

now be forewarned... birth stories have things like breastfeeding in them. and phrases like sack of waters. and maybe even pictures that suggest birth can't be done in a head to toe snowsuit.
can you even handle that??
it's a question to ask yourself... and read on at your own risk. :)
but don't worry too much... my dad reads this so we aren't going to get too up close and personal... ;)

so we were lucky enough to have my sister and her husband come stay with us the week before baby was due. 
they wrangled small people, let me eat dinner in bed,  and kept us generally entertained.
we even got one last night out on the town five days before baby came.

friday morning i was overdue three days and still feeling pretty good. i wasn't exactly desperate but definitely ready to move this along if at all possible... lucienne is still nursing but i had been steering clear of that experience as it isn't exactly comfortable at this stage of the game. nursing will often start contractions-- 
so i thought on friday morning why not just give it a shot? 

boom.

hi ya hard contractions.. thanks louie. :)
they ended up fizzling out.. but it definitely made me think we were close...

this birth was to take place at the closest birth center to our house-- 3 HOURS AWAY.
was the husband worried about delivering a baby in the back of the van? yes.
 i offered to purchase him a birth bag just in case, but i think the fact that it would contain his own scalpel made the reality a little too real. ;)

even after the contractions stopped i still had a feeling that this was the weekend. we decided to pack us up and hit the in laws house for the weekend. they are only 40 minutes from the birth center and grandpa makes animal pancakes for the children and lets me sleep. win win. :)

for all the pre-labor angst over getting to the birth center in time our exit from the house was ridiculously peaceful. 
we finished packing.. cleaned the house.. and made our weight picks for the baby.  

auntie was forced to wear this "oldest princess" crown the entire time she was here. they would be waiting with it for her in the morning. awesome. :)

on our way to omaha luci called from the back, "mama i hold yo han.."

this being my third time of adding a sibling i was so very aware that this would be my last moments with her as my baby.  bittersweet... the minute you hold the new peanut they magically morph into a giant. it happens every time. this time i knew. so i just savored my last glimpses of her while she still looked like my baby... :)

we stopped at the birth center and i was already at a 3/4. my midwife thought when contractions started up it would go quickly so we decided to hang out at whole foods for dinner.. a little walking.. a little imagining me trying to grocery shop  with 4 children. 

oy vay.

i decided to send the kiddos on with uncle scott the 20 minutes to grammy and grandpa's house while nate, the auntie and i hung out in town a little longer to see if things were going to start up. i just kept having this feeling  that i didn't want to be very far. plus there's a tj maxx right by the birth center. strolling the aisles with out kids?? even in labor that sounded like a good time. :) when we got there i didn't feel like going in ... i just wanted to hang out in the car, time the ever increasing contractions that had started and listen to the live band that was rocking the mall parking lot. 

by 8 pm i called our midwife and said things were definitely rolling tonight.. we headed in but i was still at only a 4 so i was sent back into the world to walk it out. 

target welcomed me with strong carts to lean on and baby furniture vignettes to take a break in. 

strolling target aisles, while in labor i was equal parts whiny and bossy. one minute i was complaining that i didn't want to push a baby out and the next i was telling nate that he had to get these shorts because pin stripes are hot. i left him in the shoe section trying on shoes i liked but got distracted with giraffe print leg warmers and convinced erin that baby MUST have them.    

target kicked us out at ten and they brought me to a 24 hour grocery store. i refused to go in. i had visions of me having my baby in the produce section and twenty feet from the door i turned around and said no way... take me back.

when we got back at ll pm i was at a 6 and ready to get the party started.

this is my i love water births face. 

this looks nothing like the good night alive this hurts like hades face.

but i thought i'd spare us all that one... :) 

and then at l2:3l there was this... :)

she was born 'en caul' or in the sack of waters. which is very rare and supposedly means she will be extra perceptive and doubly awesome. :)

 one of the first things nate said to me after was.. 

"babe.. you basically just delivered your own baby."

and i guess i kind of did. :) 

what i love about midwives are how passionate they are about having you connect with your own birth process and being empowered through it. they make it so clear that they are there in case something goes wrong.. i am there to birth my baby. my midwife heather and her nurse were completely hands off, except to check the babies heart rate once in awhile, from the time she checked me at 6 until she helped remove the sack of waters from penelope's face. it was crazy. crazy awesome. :)

drinking my celebratory orange mango juice and admiring our newest monkey .:)  

we did it penelope :) 

also known as 'nella'... lucienne has also given her the 'rapper' nickname of 'nella P'. ;)

auntie was  in charge of all things baby fashion related. due to a recent acquiring of giraffe print toms.. the theme quickly became all giraffe print all the time. :)

we left at 7 am. yes that's only 6 and l/2 hours after penelope arrived. that is just how it rolls at the birth center.   it felt a little wild to be leaving within hours... but in another way it felt really natural. as long as you have a nice in law basement to go sleep in you're golden. :)

now we are going to use the next picture for educational purposes. 
 for those young newbies don't be afraid. this is what an empty baby belly looks like at 7 hours post birth. if you go visit your friend in the hospital.. please don't ask her why she still looks pregnant. if you have a baby don't expect to walk out in your pre-pregnancy jeans. and if you do.. for the love of all that is good don't tell the rest of us about it.  that's mean. if you have access to a sweet 6 year old who spontaneously tells you how thin you look you should definitely keep her around for a few days while your body sorts itself out. :) 

and then it was time for penelope to make the rounds...
a very proud big sister.

a very happy grammy...

 a special great grammy...

and an over the moon excited big brother...

and how could you not get excited over this face? :)

this would be that moment louie did the magic morph into giant toddler child...

  

my girlies...

and the bubba couldn't help himself. he loves babies... despite his reaction last christmas to news of the impending arrival. :)

after he saw that picture he said, "no i want my head really close to her.. like this. " :)

and so now i must find a way to live life within the baby spell.

who can resist that siren song?

if time ever does stand still it is while you are holding a newborn... 

the future feels like it's all wrapped up in those baby sighs and there could be nothing more important than kissing those cheeks. nothing. 

  penelope claire means 

"weaver of clarity"...   

 our prayer for her is that she has eyes that truly see and a heart that understands the depths of God's love for us.

that she would be able to weave perceptive wisdom from confusion and be a sanctuary of clarity and peace to all those around her.

welcome sweet nella...

we love you so much.  :)