sometimes something real is something really hard.
this was one of those weeks.. the kind of week that feels like you went for a long bike ride through the mud dragging your heart behind you. it is a dangerous thing to be human. to care about people. to trust people.
we forget that living in this community of humanity is a tightrope act... that with one dip of our balancing rod we can so easily fall into disappointment. it's dangerous.
i love these friends for who they have been to me. i love these friends for who they were created to be. i love these friends... i love these friends. and yet-- my heart breaks. in the middle of the night, on my front porch, my journal received my heart's cry....
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the air tonight is heavy and thick.
heavy with words that should have been spat out the moment they were thought.
thick with the regrets of a thousand forks in the road.
hypocrisy is a hard pill to swallow... and yet here it sits in my gut.
like a swift kick that took with it the breath of life.
listen with your ears, but cover your eyes
Lord my hope is in you.
this heavy air holds apparitions of people i thought i knew
Lord your faithfulness sits by me
in this pit of disappointment ... you sit by me.
when betrayal is the name of the darkness, you whisper mercy on the dawn.
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it's dangerous loving people.
i am dangerous.
i can be a stubborn, prideful, self-centered, self-absorbed, judgemental, critical, catastrophic mess.
i am dangerous to love....
and yet Jesus loves me with wild abandon.
He pursues me in my darkness and he whispers mercy on my heart.
i want to love like that... Lord teach me how to love like that.
Hey girl! I have been meaning to comment on your blog for awhile, but I just haven't had to chance. I LOVE reading it. I want to thank you for being so "real". I think too often, people are afraid to let that side show and their blogs are all gooey, gushy and perfect. You probably know what I am talking about. Anyways, you are an incredible writer, creative artist and woman of God. I admire your strength, determination and faith. Know that we are lifting you guys up in prayer! Thank you for allowing God to use you in so many ways! Blessings to you! ~Dawn :)
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