5oF(3)- on blog gorging...and the effects there after

so earlier this week we had the typical winter nose dribbles making their way through the ranks. pretty benign.. but highly annoying none the less. when miss luci succumbed all she wanted to do was be held and nurse on and off and on and off and then on and off some more. she was cutting a tooth at the same time so i think her smiley personality was overwhelmed with annoyance at her own face and it's drooly runniness.

so as i was trying to comfort her i had some time.. we are talking nearly 5 hours of time... where i couldn't really put her down with out a fit.. so i threw up my hands and went with it.  so as i'm holding my baby i could hear the siren song of bloggyland.. page upon page of projects and remodelistas, valentine's day mantels and 1001 uses for twine.. just waiting for me to lose myself in.

now nate and i share a computer and he uses it for work most often so i have somewhat limited computer access... but once again i was reminded that i operate best with fail safes in place. because as my bleary eyes lifted to see that yes 3 hours had just been time warped away in a land where projects happen in 10 minutes and in easy 3 step processes... i remembered something.. this was supposed to be fun. this was something i had been wanting to do for awhile.. to click to my heart's delight.. to follow every link and bunny trail till the bottom of my screen was littered with a trail of blogland treasures. so why did i feel worse? and with that my

top 5 things i learned by gorging myself on blogs...(and random pictures that are completely unrelated that i never used but that i like and/or think are funny :))

1. i am a project hoarder.
i see. i love. i want to do. is there a realism control button that some lucky ladies have?? they must. i do not. you do not even want to see my 'favorites folder'. sometimes i don't even want to see it. so much creativity. i absolutely love it-- it feeds my soul. right up to the point that it makes me want to crawl inside myself and hide. i am learning-- slowly-- what that feeling feels like before i get overwhelmed. part of it, for me, is recognizing that if all i do is have a constant steady i.v. of amazing projects to be done and never take the time to cut myself off and slowly, purposefully pour those creative spirits back out i will be over nourished and sinking fast. 

2. there will always be those people who make you think
'how does she do all that? i think i suck.'
she has lots of kids... which she homeschools... and has an etsy business.. and takes photos on the side.. she blogs everyday.. and apparently does all these projects that she blogs about every day while her kids are?? i have no idea..
i am sure these women don't see themselves like that. they have a schedule that works for them and that is great... i don't think they are lying or have a mysterious nanny that never makes an on camera appearance. although that would make me feel just a teensy bit better. the point is not them -- it's ME. it is my job to do the best i can. and that's it. no really-- that's IT. whenever i start feeling that ribbon of doubt curling around my edges i have to stop and remember-- i was chosen to be this mommy. i will do the best i can do. i have one shot at this mommyhood game. i will do the absolute best that i can do. and that will be enough because it has to be. ( and i think with a hefty serving of grace-- it really will be enough.)

3. it's hard to blog the stuff that ain't pretty-- maybe it's the projects you threw out halfway because dude-- that was ugly. or maybe it's the fact that yes-- my valentines day crafts were freaktastic but i was snippy at my kids for gluing the wrong way because i was kind of crabby because my baby was up all night and because i have cramps. you know-- hypothetically. you just don't see the total disasters out there-- unless it can be told in a funny way.. or it's post processing and it has a 'at first i did this wrong-- but then i did this and i was awesome again' kind of thing. i get it-- it is not meant to be a misrepresentation. it is really not up to anyone to show me their dirt.. or their ugly.. or their cellulite. it is not up to them-- it is up to me to live in reality. to remember that almost all bathrooms have shades on the windows... but you know what?? we still all have bathrooms.

4. it is easy to forget the whole point... inspiration. encouragement. spurring each other on to be the best version of ourselves. blogs have given me some fantastic creative starting points.. they have been a voice that resonated with my heart when much of what i heard around me did not. they have encouraged me in this path of motherhood.. they have inspired me with creativity of the every day... they have spurred me on to be more of who i really am. that is what they can be... that is what they should be.

5. am i any different? pheeesssshhhhhhhhheeeeeeeewwwww. oh don't mind that-- that was just the air being let out of my self righteous balloon. am i really any different? i don't want anyone to feel that way... i am doing the best i can do. almost every day. some days i am tired and i do a lot of nothing. some days my priorities are whacked. some days i freak out for very small reasons. but i love my family. i adore my husband. i cherish my God. the best that i can. this blog has put pen to paper, days in order and a space for memories to be put up on the shelf for safe keeping.
but believe me-- i have a bathroom. a great big one.. just like everybody else. i am so grateful my God is a God of the bathrooms of life. we party it up in the bathroom believe me. i am pretty sure that's in the bible...

psalm 139: 1-10
1 You have searched me, LORD, and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

.....the heavens, the depths, the dawn, the sea and my bathroom.. amen.