i plead pregnant.

soooo..... 'the blog is back' is open to interpretation. obviously.

i plead pregnant.
like 9 months pregnant.

last pregnant -go-round ari told me my tummy was like the earth.
this time my dad said i looked like i swallowed a pumpkin.

would you  like proof evidence of such claims?
done. :)

round like the earth.

swallowed a pumpkin.

soaking in the last moments of a tiny human living right up next to my heart.

check, check, and check. :)

my ridiculously talented friend rutheah with blue house fotos, took these... 

 every time i look through them i get all prego weepy and overwhelmed at the goodness i have right in front of me. 

my family, my generous friends, the blessing of a special new life..

there is A LOT to get my happy on about. :)

this pregnancy has been my first one where the idea that this could be my last has rang true. 

maybe. possibly. this could be it for us. 

 we don't know.. but it's definitely in the back of my mind... which makes these last baited breath moments very bittersweet...

i am trying to savor the kicks and flips.

the hiccups that wake me up in the middle of the night.

the feeling of fullness when baby has outgrown the space i have for her and is ready to meet the world.

these are the waiting days.

the days of wanting something to start and of feeling ridiculously unprepared if something actually started.

the days of wanting to hold my babies close and of wanting to push them off my lap because i can't breathe.

the days of wanting to freeze time and of wanting to skip to the end.. 

the days of feeling unsteady on my feet and unwavering in my heart...

these are good days.

this picture cracks me up.
it is ridiculously cheesy.
but i love this man.
i love him for the family he and i have built together.
for the servant love and selfless heart he gives me.
for the commitment and faithfulness that i rest in.

he also goes and gets me food late at night and takes over midnight visits from children who wet the bed and resigns himself to the guest room once i get so big i commandeer all pillows as mine and sleep on an incline to ward off the heartburn.

it's not all sunshine and roses.. and he loves me through it all.

as i sit here timing contractions three days before my due due... trying to focus while luci neediness, grayson chaos and arianna chattiness surround me.. i realize

labor starts in your heart.

childbirth may end with a baby in my arms but it begins in the deepest parts of my soul.

the pains of letting go of myself...

the release of my love to these fragile little creatures that require all of me...

the desperation of my hopes and fears for them..

the exquisite joy of simply witnessing their lives unfold before me...

 very soon we will hold a baby.. 

feel that brand new breath on my cheek.. hear those newborn sighs that disappear way too soon..

childbirth will end with this unfathomable gift resting heavy on my chest... 

but my labor of love will have just begun.

:)