humiliation at goodwill : a puffy coat saga

it is storytime people.
stor-eeee-TIME.
and do i have a good one for you...

so you remember during our last  story hour?
we learned the valuable lesson that social awkwardness is not just for home school kids.

tonight our story begins with an ill fated trip to goodwill with baby and toddler in tow. 
the big kids and nate had church stuff  so i thought i would take the little girls up to goodwill in search of some items for the halloween costume making that is happening at our house right now. 
goodwill was packed. costume fabulousness was flying off the shelves. we were weaving our way though the aisles... one arm lugging nella's car seat and one arm browsing piles of peasant skirts and carts full of plastic pumpkins.
after successfully bringing luci to the end of her 2 year old rope... 
i thought it would be fun to go look at the coats. <-----crazytalk 

i spotted this vintage beauty right off. she was just the right amount of puffy with a faux fur collar and contrasting piping around the edges. 
slipped it on and zipped that baby up.
i admired myself in the mirror. 
it was a little small.   vintage buzzzzzkill.
not every find is meant to be so i went to unzip it and felt the zipper stick.
stage one... annoyance.
     oh--come.on. wiggle-wiggle-wiggle. zip it back up..zip it back down...wiggle-wiggle-wiggle.
second stage...fear.
     no. surely not. surely this zipper is not really stuck. tug.tug.TUG.
third stage...acceptance. 
     alrighty then. this is happening. this is really happening. i am stuck in a puffy coat.
final stage...uncontrollable laughter. 
so what do you do when stuck in a too small puffy coat in goodwill with a whimpery baby and a toddler who says she has to go potty and you can't stop laughing???

you call your sister.
it sounded a little something like this:

voice-on-phone: "hello?"
me (trying to speak clearly while laughing hysterically and doing the pee pee dance): "i am stuck in a puffy coat at goodwill.."
v-o-p: "what??"
me: "i am stuck in a puffy coat at goodwill.. the zipper is seriously stuck and the kids are starting to freak and me and luci have to peeeeee! ! ! "
v-o-p: "i don't know who this."
me: "reeeally funny... seriously i am stuck-- what should i DO???"

this conversation went rounds like this for about 3 minutes before i realized this voice on the phone had really, up until this point, only said 'i don't know who this is...'
 and then...
voice-on phone: "this is your sister's friend ... she just left her phone at my house."
NOOOOOOOO.
are you kidding me?
can you tell me a graceful way to end this conversation?
um no. you can't. there isn't one.
just a lot of ...
'oh-uh-sorry- i thought you were just my sister disguising her voice to be a jerk face.. '
and her saying 
'yeah-well- i guess.. good luck with the coat thing and i'll tell your sister to call you'....
click.
WOW. plus i'm still stuck in the puffy coat.

 i made the executive decision to just buy the coat. my options were seeking out an employee to assist me in the removal of too small puffy coat or shelling out the $4.50 and figuring it out later. i had no desire to be the stuff goodwill legends are made of.. "hey there's that lady who got stuck in the coat and we had to peel it off of her while she hung upside down and her babies screamed."
mmm.no thanks.
so i made my way up to the counter and tried to play it casual cool. 
here's my soon to be butterfly leotard .. here's my funny clown glasses... oh and this coat.
which coat? 
oh the one i'm wearing. 
oh. okay.
um yes checkout boy--- this coat IS too amazing to remove from my body.yep.

so now to figure out how to get OUT of the puffy coat. i was starting to sweat. and get claustrophobic. 
i needed to pick up ari and grayson from church and nate was at youth group and had a leaders meeting after so i knew he was not going to be available for hours...i was envisioning myself having to bathe children in a puffy coat and pant-less to avoid dying of heat stroke.

when i walked in the church there were a group of ladies standing in the foyer and wouldn't you know they started admiring the puffy coat. ooohs and aaahs and is that vintage? rose up from the mini crowd. no longer able to keep a straight face i admitted, 
"i am stuck in this puffy coat. can you help me??"
and they did. and we laughed. and i went home.

the end. :)