on siblings

there are days like these... when luci seems to look at me and say

'are you seriously leaving me here with these crazies??'

but most days i watch them play and laugh and dream together... it is one of my greatest joys to watch the relationship blossoming between each of them. they are each unique.... unto themselves and each to the other.

gray and lu have a hilarious relationship. he adores her... he lights up when he talks to her. he loves when she 'stares' at him and could play with her for hours. lu thinks he just might be the funniest little person she has ever seen. she smiles the minute he starts talking to her. she adores him right back-- right up to the point when she doesn't. which usually coincides with him putting some random object on her head. or pulling on her leg. or him 'helping' her roll. or keeping his face for far too long, far too close, far too much in her bubble. he is a study of opposites. just this morning he has secretly given her small choke-worthy beads in the 2 seconds i turned my back, tempting death again...he said 'she likes them!' i am not sure i can imagine anyone with worse instincts on keeping babies alive. but in the same morning as we three were snuggled up in the bed, just as the light started rousing our eyes grayson popped his little tousled head up and greeted luci with an enthusiastic,

'good mownin' luci! you beautiful!'

melts me. :)

bothers and sisters man... it's the stuff. someday these two are going to be able to push each other's buttons like no other. grayson will feel protective.. lu will have crushes on his friends...grayson will sit on her and pull the heads off her dolls..  it's gonna be epic. :)

i know-- i have a brother. he is my little brother.. who is now well over 6 feet tall. grayson reminds me so much of him in some ways... it's like i am 8 years old again and can see my bubby as this little 2 year old boy with his mickey mouse voice and blond corn silk hair. i was not always the best big sister. i specialized in driving him absolutely besides himself crazy. my signature move was keeping my arm extended on his head while he flailed and clawed the air towards me with his little short arms. i found it funny... he found it torturous. but beneath all of that i adored him. i don't think i knew i did at the time... i know because i look back at pictures of him little and get all wistful and choked up. we still call him uncle bubby...  because in my heart, no matter how tall he gets, he is still that little boy. that very fact i think still drives him crazy too. :) oh brothers... they wrestle you, they burple you, they 'play cards' with you by throwing the cards all over you, they play trains with you but then won't let you actually hold any of the trains. but nothing replaces a brother... nothing. :)

lucienne and arianna. what is there to say? i have already been informed by you know who that when they grow up they will live together and travel the world... they will make their home in new york and canada and i can come visit... but it is very far.. so i must prepare myself for that. okay then. i often catch ari singing to lu about her birth... it might be the sweetest/strangest thing i have ever heard. it usually has some version of  "i saw your head and it was like the earth, you were covered in white stuff but we loved you anyway"... platinum record in the making. :)

i had hoped luci was going to be a girl. i wanted ari to have the joy of a sister so badly. my sister is so deeply in my heart that i am not sure what space she even occupies. it is just part of me. i don't remember me before there was her.  we shared a room until i was in 6th grade... and then we ran a vacuum hose from my room to hers so i could still listen to the records we would play to put ourselves to sleep. we were convinced we had ESP and would test ourselves by doing elaborate quizzes and challenges... which we would get about 50% on and so pretty much proved our point that yes we were extra special people. :)

i see the spring buds of that relationship in ari and luci and it makes my heart happy. there are phases in life.. there are days and years when a sister is not everything you need... but in the long haul, in the years that stretch out into adulthood... these girls will love far more than they realize even now.

i know this... i have a sister. :)

arianna loves to hold luci.. talk to luci.. pick out what luci should wear... and just in general anxiously await the day luci can play with her and grayson and become part of the grand adventures they are having. i can see it in luci's eyes she can't wait either. :)

playing doctor.. luci looks a little nervous.

ari and grayson are cohorts in crime. they have the starring roles in each other's imagination. they have days where they spend literally the entire day in imaginary play, 'having adventures', playing doctor(often with lucienne as the uncertain patient), playing store, trains, going 'camping' in our living room, reading books together, putting on elaborate shows... they are so intertwined that the few nights i have needed arianna to sleep somewhere other than in the same room as grayson i have found her in the morning, all wrapped up in her blankets in front of grayson's bed. he looks to her to fill in his blanks. to be the spark of excitement that begins the day. she looks to him for a constant friend, a sidekick, a perpetual playmate. he is strong enough to dig his heels in and whack her a good solid no and she is just enough of a smarty sassy face to tell him not to say 'what?' because it's slang but to say 'pardon me?' :) but most days? they couldn't ask for a better best friend. laughter is the name of their game.. and they play it like it has never been played before.

they poop out on new years eve together and get dragged to the hardware store together....

 playing doctor... that takes a lot of trust. grayson with 'instruments'.. scary.

i have a very distinct memory of  when arianna was in the hospital. grayson was barely 2 months old and had just started smiling. he hadn't been with her for 9 days while she was in the PICU. the first time he was brought in to see her he smiled this huge smile as she was just laying there in her hospital bed. that broke me. this tiny little one already knew what a gift he had in his older sister. i will never forget that. the beauty of siblings. the gift of your history..your memory..in the form of a friend. it is one of the best things i could do for my babies... a family that remembers when someday, long from now hopefully, i am gone. some day they will sit around and be able to tell each other stories of the days we spend together now. i won't be there.. but i will be in their connection. that brings me joy and peace and a happy heart. :)